How Talking about your fears somehow helps alleviate them

Isn’t it funny how some people seem to talk much more than usual when there’s something serious going on? Not everyone does, but I know that I tend to do that. Mine usually flares up in anticipation of something. So if I’m waiting on some medical test results, I’m usually talking up a storm with whoever is in the same room with me. If I’m waiting for medical updates on someone else, like a family member, then asking them questions and talking about their symptoms just seems to work. I know I’m probably driving that person crazy but they may not realize that it’s like a stress reliever for me, to be able to talk freely and educate myself on what’s going on.

I’ve done this recently, as one of my parents started to feel ill in multiple places. Until we could get more answers I would continually ask them how they were feeling, what their symptoms were, just a general quest for a status update really. Doing that basically tempered my anxiety and nerves for a little bit, rather than me going stir crazy. Thankfully it turned out that person is fine overall, just had a couple of things that needed to be fixed/medicated.

It’s funny to say it out loud, but talking to yourself about your own fears helps as well. I have anxiety, I’ve had it the majority of my life, since I was a toddler. It ebbs and flows depending on what’s going on around me, what’s going on in my head. I got to a point where I was letting my anxiety take control and throw me into panic attacks, panicked thinking. It got to the point where I needed to take medication, otherwise I would constantly insist that something was wrong with me and ask to be taken to the doctor. The medication I took helped to relax and be able to reflect on what I was going through, what specifically triggered my anxiety and how I could help ease it over time. After a few months I weaned myself off of the medication to try to handle it myself. I discovered that I could feel a panic attack coming and I knew I had to do something. One time, I saw in the bathroom and talked to myself. I just started talking out loud, pointing out the craziness of what I was thinking. I found that to be my secret weapon.

You see, I feel like with anxiety (mine specifically) you can have these thoughts and emotions come through and you feel like you can’t control them. That is because your brain has convinced the rest of your body, including your heart, that you are dying or that something is wrong. Your brain is making you listen to what it wants you to hear. When you speak out loud, your speaking outside of the brain and I think that’s important. When I speak out loud I tend to hear it much more clearly and I believe myself when I’m talking out loud.

First Mortgage Payment, not as bad once you finally pay it..

I remember that one of the first things that worried me when we were house hunting was the mortgage payment. I knew it was going to be more than our monthly rent at the apartment, but I wanted us to have something more and to actually put our hard-earned money towards something meaningful. When we found our house and the offer was accepted I again had that realization that we’d have that first mortgage payment to worry about. There was so much pressure and tension in my chest from the anxiety. But I managed it, it would ebb and flow every now again, including at the closing.

Once that was over we were taken over by the high of owning our first home. We pulled up carpet, painted walls and really got things together for the big moving day. We got all moved in and unpacking boxes when I realized it again, the first mortgage was coming up! I was so anxious and panicky right until the actual day I went to pay the first mortgage payment. When I was done I didn’t really have that moment of dread that everyone had been talking about. I mean yeah, it kind of hurt financially to make a bigger payment but I wasn’t devastated by it. I felt a relief actually. I felt relief in that finally my money wasn’t going down the drain but to something useful.

I feel like my husband and I are right where we need to be. We can do anything we want with our home and it feels great. Once you get past that initial anxiety it’s all smooth sailing from there. Well, there be some rough waves, but you get the picture.

When you realize you have to start watching over your parents

It hits everyone at some point. You reach the age where you start worrying more. What age did you realize that you had to start watching your parents more closely? Now I’ve always worried about my parents to some extent that they were working too hard, etc. But it wasn’t until my early 20s that I really thought about everything that could go wrong. I knew that to some extent there was nothing I could do, but then again, I knew there were things I could do to help them. I remember a time when I tried to learn to mow the lawn and that didn’t work out very well. But that situation resolved itself, my parents now do not have to take care of the lawn or pool and I’m very happy about this. For years I kept telling them that my boyfriend (now husband) could do it for them, but they are definitely the sort of people who don’t always ask for help when they need it.

Out of both my parents I worry more about my father. My mom I still worry about, but for different reasons. She exercises regularly, goes cycling, so the things that worry me would be her having an accident on the road or exercising her body too much. My dad has always worried me more for many reasons. When I was younger he managed a retail store and there was an armed robbery one night and if it wasn’t for a woman who wandered in and spooked the robbers, my father and his co-workers may not be here today. So that’s one reason I’ve always worried about him. I remember being a child and staying up in bed until I heard him come in. It was only then that I could go to sleep. Now a days I’m just worried about the strength of his body. I know that he’s a strong person, he’s not overweight but he’s not super fit, he’s normal, there’s just no guarantees really. Take one of my high school gym teachers for an example. He was the head football coach and taught weight training, but then one evening he collapsed from a heart attack and he was physically fit and in his 30s.

I know I’m starting to ramble, it’s just that you get to the point where you check up more on your parents. You want to know how they’re feeling and you don’t want them to lie because they don’t want to worry you. Every time that comes up in my family I always remind them that that is what family is for. You’re supposed to worry about the ones you love, it just part of the deal. Multiple family members try to pull this and I remind them that when you start a family you have a responsibility to them, to tell things, to involve them. Whether it worries or saddens them shouldn’t play a part, it should be expected and appreciated. When someone worries about you that simply means that they love you and they care. You can’t prevent someone who loves you from worrying, it will happen sooner or later. What you can do is soften the blow by talking to them.

We had a family member keep a secret from us. When we finally learned the truth, that they had been keeping a medical secret from us, that truly hurt more than the years of worrying about them would’ve been. I had a grandfather that had kept secret for 5 years that he was battling cancer. 5 years! He stated that he kept it secret for two reasons (1) he didn’t want to worry us too much and (2) it was his decision/right to disclose what he wanted, when he wanted. You can imagine the hurt, anger and worry experienced after those statements. But we couldn’t be too angry with him, because when he decided to reveal to everyone that he had been battling cancer, it was only because in a week he would be having his bladder/prostate removed in an intensive surgery. SO we had to get over the initial shock and deal with the impending surgery that would take all day. I remember it was a Wednesday. I remember insisting that I be there, in case anything happened. I wanted to be there in that moment with my family so we could take information in together. That’s one of the best benefits of having a family with you, is that they are there with you through the good and the bad. It is foolish to think that you can spare someone you love, that you can spare their pain. All you can do is soften the blow and include them.

Ever since that revelation with my grandfather, everyone in the family got an earful from me about it. I made sure everyone knew my feelings on it and that I never wanted to get that kind of surprise again. I made my parents swear that they wouldn’t pull those types of shenanigans on me, that I deserved to know everything that was going with them. Luckily they agreed. I’m sometimes surprised by feelings on the subject, on just how much I really want to be involved and how much information I want to know. I’m wondering if I’m the only one.

 

What’s with the animosity toward horror movies??

I’ve heard it again, the dreaded phrase, “I really don’t like scary movies.” A shudder goes through my body, all the way to the core. I want to sit down with them and ask, “Why not?” I’ve actually done this and the best answer someone can give me is “I’ll have nightmares later” or “I don’t like being scared.” I want to reach out with my hands and tell them that that is the point! You’re supposed to be effected by a movie, especially a scary one. That was the intent of the people who made it. Also, you can’t run away from everything that scares you, it’s just not logical. Spiders freak me out something fierce, but sometimes I make myself handle the situation. That’s healthy. There’s even been a study conducted, showing that you burn more calories watching a scary movie then something else. There’s just so many reasons to watch a horror film.

Now if you genuinely sweat, have heart palpitations or go into a panic attack, then no, you shouldn’t watch these types of films. Otherwise, you should, at least every once and awhile make yourself watch a scary movie. People often forget that horror films are not always based on fiction, but based on real life. I look at horror films as not only a thrill, but as an education. At a very early age I learned valuable lessons from horror films, for instance, you don’t go out into the woods at night, alone. Another lesson, don’t leave your doors and windows unlocked. Its lessons like these that remind us that although the movie may be fake, the blood manufactured, some people really do go through those nightmares in real life. Watching a horror film reminds you of how lucky you are. It reminds you not play games with your own life or the life of others.

I’ll never forget this movie I saw a few years ago, “The Strangers”. I didn’t really like the movie overall, at first, but the more I let it sink in the more I appreciated it. It had this great thing where it wouldn’t use a lot of music. I think that’s what made it so realistic because there is no theme music in real life. Would recommend seeing it if you haven’t but the basic plot follows a couple at a cabin and they’re being terrorized by a group of people. At the very end a character asks them what they want, why them? One of the villains replies, “because you were home.” That’s how the film ends. You’re left with the realization that some people do not need a motive to kill you, they do it just because you were in the right place, at the right time. That particular part gave me chills and still gives me chills. It’s a reminder that try as I may, I can’t always prevent bad things from happening. Horror films tend to remind us that life isn’t perfect and not everyone can be trusted. Maybe that’s the real reason people don’t like horror films.

Sorry, just had to vent because it seems like a lot of people use that phrase way too often. Its okay if horror movies aren’t your favorite type of film, but you have to watch one every now again. It’s good to get the blood pumping every once and awhile.

 

The Dating Culture Today

What is the dating culture in these modern times? I’ve been out of the single life for over ten years now. I’m not bragging about it, just relieved at times because dating as an adult now, seems more complicated that it used to be. What ever happened to meeting someone and simply saying, “You seem cool, would you like to go out? Get a coffee? Grab some lunch?” When did it become so complicated? When did our culture support a “dating app” called Tinder over traditional dating?

I have a dear friend, one of the closest friends I’ve ever had, really don’t know what I did to deserve her. Anyways, she is one of the funniest real women out there and she has to face the struggle of meeting someone genuine. It’s hard to do that with online dating sites because you never know who is there for something real and who is there for simply a one night stand. I feel like dating is moving further away from meeting face to face and more towards ordering a date online like you would a pizza.

Now, to add to this, I’m not knocking online dating. I know people who have met the love of their life through an online dating site. I think for certain situations it is a great alternative, it saves time for people who don’t have the time to just run into people on the street . My overall opinion is that you don’t want to put all of your eggs in one basket. I think a good mix between real life and online would balance out perfectly and result in Mr. or Ms. Right.

Daily Prompt Word:

Culture

I Remember My Younger Self

I remember you, my younger self. I remember how simple the times were, how simple life seemed to be. You were carefree and uninhibited. You had no huge responsibilities or worries. You just simply existed to run, play and go to school. Sometimes I envy the simplicity of you, but then I remember what makes life so worth while, and that’s challenge.

I remember you with fondness, with memories so clear and warm. I remember when our family was bigger and everyone was together on each and every holiday, no exceptions. Whenever it feels like I’m losing more of my family I look to your memories..

Some people say its pointless to look to your past for guidance, but I don’t believe in that. I look to my younger self for inspiration, confidence and courage. It seemed that my younger self had plenty of that before reality set in and to rose-colored glasses came off. I’m fine with reality, I’ve always looked forward to responsibility and structure. But every once and awhile I like to look back at my younger self..

Nothing wrong with that.

Daily Word Prompt:

Youth

July 4th-Celebration 5K

13615301_10154366108728331_6424794953064331868_nI really had a good fourth of July holiday this year, which coincidentally was my cousin’s birthday as well! Early July 4th I participated in a Celebration 5K. It sounded like a great thing to do a week ago, but then when I woke up around 5:50a.m. on my day off, it suddenly didn’t seem like such a great idea. But I shuffled out of bed and went, because it was a healthy activity and I had no excuse not to, except for sleep, but oh well. I thought that it was pretty low to complain about such a simple sacrifice to celebrate such an important day.

It was a few minutes before the race started and they were trying to get a few people to carry some of the american flags they had remaining. Before the race you had the option of signing up for this and then at the race they encourage people to carry the flag in a show of honor and support. I saw this young volunteer walking up and down the line trying to see if someone wanted to hold the two flags he had remaining. He got one person and then couldn’t get another. I had a thought for a brief moment, has it come to this? Is it at the point where someone has to nearly beg/plead for another to hold the american flag as a sign of support?

I raised my hand and volunteered. I knew the flag would get in the way (and it did) but I also felt it was important to show some pride on a patriotic day. It was a hot, sweaty almost unbearable race. At times the flag was in the way and would slip because of my sweaty hands, but I was proud to carry it and proud to finish the race f it. I think there is significance in respecting your country’s history and paying respect to its beginnings. I know that everyone does so in their own way. This was my way. Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend!!