The Results of My 2018 Resolutions

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2018 was certainly a big year, I feel like a lot of positivity happened. In 2018 I reached the second year with my job at the U.S. Courthouse. It feels like time has flown by and I think that’s a good thing, that means I enjoy where I work and who I work with. So let’s get down to it, what where my 2018 resolutions? I placed them as a post-it note on my computer January 2018 and it’s still there today, waiting to be updated for 2019.

2018 Resolutions:

  • Drink more water (at least 30 oz a day)
  • Lose 20 pounds
  • Write everyday
  • Exercise everyday
  • Eat less processed foods
  • Beat my mom on Fitbit often
  • Volunteer More
  • Don’t be afraid to try new things

You can see by the color coding above which goals I completed successfully, and which ones still require some work. The items marked in red are being placed in my 2019 resolutions list. I would really like this year to be the year that I get things done that have eluded me in the past. I feel good about 2019, I feel positive energy. At the very least I get to tick something off my bucket list in November, I get to officiate my cousin’s wedding. Maybe I can then start something on the side marrying people. I of course would include a memorable speech/service. At least in 2018 I accomplished most of my resolutions and with the ones that I failed at, at least I half-accomplished them. Progress is progress right?

 

Silence

Funny thing, silence can be. One word can be felt in so many different ways, so can no words at all. It all depends on where you are and who you’re with.

Sometimes if we are silent we are determined to be wise, weak, scared, unnerving. Imagine yourself sitting in a hammock outside and there is nothing but silence. During the day that can be peaceful, relaxing, but during the evening it can be scary or make you feel uncertain.

It can bring someone clear thoughts or make the mind race. It can be reassuring or haunting.

There is nothing more peaceful or terrifying then silence.

Daily Prompt Word:

Silent

Changing Perspectives

It’s really funny how your perspective changes with age. You realize the way you acted when you were younger. That if only you had half the perspective you have now, then maybe youth wouldn’t have been so dramatic. When you look back it seems ridiculous the things that you obsessed over, the people you obsessed over. Except for Johnny Depp, this is the one obsession that I will never regret. I’m pretty sure it got me through middle school in one piece.

Anyways, your perspective changes with age in ways you didn’t imagine. You feel so much depth in the situations you face. When you look at your parents you no longer see two people hell-bent on holding you back from fun, you see two people who sacrificed so much to make sure you had all the opportunities possible. They most likely gave up some of their dreams, to make yours come true. This part of perspective isn’t fun because you inevitably realize that you can never repay them back, even if you won the lottery, though that would help.

Age not only brings depth to everything around you but it also brings a realization, a peace. You know what you want and you know what to do to get it. The simplest of things bring you peace amongst the crazy day. All the questions you had when you were younger are either pointless or answered by now and you find new purpose. You’ve grown up, you’ve reached that point and now you can go wherever you want. You’re not bound by the rules of childhood, you make your own. It really is quite freeing and reassuring, enough so that I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self personally that it will all work out, that all the pain, challenges and struggles would all work out.

I view age kind of like a hill/mountain. People always joke that by a certain age you are over the hill, but really what is wrong with that? People who are “over the hill” have seen much more and can offer much more perspective. Sometimes it can be hard to admit, but most of the things your parents told you were right. Even now it stings, but it’s the truth. You have to realize and accept the truth no matter how painful it may be. That’s what age and experience does to you, gives you perspective and the ability to do something about it.

Daily Prompt Word:

Age

What’s with the Puzzled Expression??

Do you ever take a moment during your day and watch people react to things around them? I love seeing the uninhabited looks of confusion and disgust when something in their world is off kilter. Sometimes I’ll say something around my co-workers just to see their facial expressions, plus I actually agree with what ever I’m saying… I try to think of the best type of face I see on a regular basis…Oh! A good one is where you can tell someone just smelt something awful and they do a silent yawn/gag to themselves but little do they know, you’re there witnessing it all from a safe smell free distance.

I guess my second favorite look is the puzzled expression. It’s the one that someone has when ever they pull on the door that has the obvious push sign, the one where they go to open a door (it’s locked) and they continue to try to open it, as well as the puzzled look that comes over their face when they’re looking for their keys or their phone all the while the item they’re searching for is in their hand all along. It really is such a simple pleasure. You should try it sometime.

Daily Prompt:

Puzzled

How Talking about your fears somehow helps alleviate them

Isn’t it funny how some people seem to talk much more than usual when there’s something serious going on? Not everyone does, but I know that I tend to do that. Mine usually flares up in anticipation of something. So if I’m waiting on some medical test results, I’m usually talking up a storm with whoever is in the same room with me. If I’m waiting for medical updates on someone else, like a family member, then asking them questions and talking about their symptoms just seems to work. I know I’m probably driving that person crazy but they may not realize that it’s like a stress reliever for me, to be able to talk freely and educate myself on what’s going on.

I’ve done this recently, as one of my parents started to feel ill in multiple places. Until we could get more answers I would continually ask them how they were feeling, what their symptoms were, just a general quest for a status update really. Doing that basically tempered my anxiety and nerves for a little bit, rather than me going stir crazy. Thankfully it turned out that person is fine overall, just had a couple of things that needed to be fixed/medicated.

It’s funny to say it out loud, but talking to yourself about your own fears helps as well. I have anxiety, I’ve had it the majority of my life, since I was a toddler. It ebbs and flows depending on what’s going on around me, what’s going on in my head. I got to a point where I was letting my anxiety take control and throw me into panic attacks, panicked thinking. It got to the point where I needed to take medication, otherwise I would constantly insist that something was wrong with me and ask to be taken to the doctor. The medication I took helped to relax and be able to reflect on what I was going through, what specifically triggered my anxiety and how I could help ease it over time. After a few months I weaned myself off of the medication to try to handle it myself. I discovered that I could feel a panic attack coming and I knew I had to do something. One time, I saw in the bathroom and talked to myself. I just started talking out loud, pointing out the craziness of what I was thinking. I found that to be my secret weapon.

You see, I feel like with anxiety (mine specifically) you can have these thoughts and emotions come through and you feel like you can’t control them. That is because your brain has convinced the rest of your body, including your heart, that you are dying or that something is wrong. Your brain is making you listen to what it wants you to hear. When you speak out loud, your speaking outside of the brain and I think that’s important. When I speak out loud I tend to hear it much more clearly and I believe myself when I’m talking out loud.

First Mortgage Payment, not as bad once you finally pay it..

I remember that one of the first things that worried me when we were house hunting was the mortgage payment. I knew it was going to be more than our monthly rent at the apartment, but I wanted us to have something more and to actually put our hard-earned money towards something meaningful. When we found our house and the offer was accepted I again had that realization that we’d have that first mortgage payment to worry about. There was so much pressure and tension in my chest from the anxiety. But I managed it, it would ebb and flow every now again, including at the closing.

Once that was over we were taken over by the high of owning our first home. We pulled up carpet, painted walls and really got things together for the big moving day. We got all moved in and unpacking boxes when I realized it again, the first mortgage was coming up! I was so anxious and panicky right until the actual day I went to pay the first mortgage payment. When I was done I didn’t really have that moment of dread that everyone had been talking about. I mean yeah, it kind of hurt financially to make a bigger payment but I wasn’t devastated by it. I felt a relief actually. I felt relief in that finally my money wasn’t going down the drain but to something useful.

I feel like my husband and I are right where we need to be. We can do anything we want with our home and it feels great. Once you get past that initial anxiety it’s all smooth sailing from there. Well, there be some rough waves, but you get the picture.

When you realize you have to start watching over your parents

It hits everyone at some point. You reach the age where you start worrying more. What age did you realize that you had to start watching your parents more closely? Now I’ve always worried about my parents to some extent that they were working too hard, etc. But it wasn’t until my early 20s that I really thought about everything that could go wrong. I knew that to some extent there was nothing I could do, but then again, I knew there were things I could do to help them. I remember a time when I tried to learn to mow the lawn and that didn’t work out very well. But that situation resolved itself, my parents now do not have to take care of the lawn or pool and I’m very happy about this. For years I kept telling them that my boyfriend (now husband) could do it for them, but they are definitely the sort of people who don’t always ask for help when they need it.

Out of both my parents I worry more about my father. My mom I still worry about, but for different reasons. She exercises regularly, goes cycling, so the things that worry me would be her having an accident on the road or exercising her body too much. My dad has always worried me more for many reasons. When I was younger he managed a retail store and there was an armed robbery one night and if it wasn’t for a woman who wandered in and spooked the robbers, my father and his co-workers may not be here today. So that’s one reason I’ve always worried about him. I remember being a child and staying up in bed until I heard him come in. It was only then that I could go to sleep. Now a days I’m just worried about the strength of his body. I know that he’s a strong person, he’s not overweight but he’s not super fit, he’s normal, there’s just no guarantees really. Take one of my high school gym teachers for an example. He was the head football coach and taught weight training, but then one evening he collapsed from a heart attack and he was physically fit and in his 30s.

I know I’m starting to ramble, it’s just that you get to the point where you check up more on your parents. You want to know how they’re feeling and you don’t want them to lie because they don’t want to worry you. Every time that comes up in my family I always remind them that that is what family is for. You’re supposed to worry about the ones you love, it just part of the deal. Multiple family members try to pull this and I remind them that when you start a family you have a responsibility to them, to tell things, to involve them. Whether it worries or saddens them shouldn’t play a part, it should be expected and appreciated. When someone worries about you that simply means that they love you and they care. You can’t prevent someone who loves you from worrying, it will happen sooner or later. What you can do is soften the blow by talking to them.

We had a family member keep a secret from us. When we finally learned the truth, that they had been keeping a medical secret from us, that truly hurt more than the years of worrying about them would’ve been. I had a grandfather that had kept secret for 5 years that he was battling cancer. 5 years! He stated that he kept it secret for two reasons (1) he didn’t want to worry us too much and (2) it was his decision/right to disclose what he wanted, when he wanted. You can imagine the hurt, anger and worry experienced after those statements. But we couldn’t be too angry with him, because when he decided to reveal to everyone that he had been battling cancer, it was only because in a week he would be having his bladder/prostate removed in an intensive surgery. SO we had to get over the initial shock and deal with the impending surgery that would take all day. I remember it was a Wednesday. I remember insisting that I be there, in case anything happened. I wanted to be there in that moment with my family so we could take information in together. That’s one of the best benefits of having a family with you, is that they are there with you through the good and the bad. It is foolish to think that you can spare someone you love, that you can spare their pain. All you can do is soften the blow and include them.

Ever since that revelation with my grandfather, everyone in the family got an earful from me about it. I made sure everyone knew my feelings on it and that I never wanted to get that kind of surprise again. I made my parents swear that they wouldn’t pull those types of shenanigans on me, that I deserved to know everything that was going with them. Luckily they agreed. I’m sometimes surprised by feelings on the subject, on just how much I really want to be involved and how much information I want to know. I’m wondering if I’m the only one.

 

What’s with the animosity toward horror movies??

I’ve heard it again, the dreaded phrase, “I really don’t like scary movies.” A shudder goes through my body, all the way to the core. I want to sit down with them and ask, “Why not?” I’ve actually done this and the best answer someone can give me is “I’ll have nightmares later” or “I don’t like being scared.” I want to reach out with my hands and tell them that that is the point! You’re supposed to be effected by a movie, especially a scary one. That was the intent of the people who made it. Also, you can’t run away from everything that scares you, it’s just not logical. Spiders freak me out something fierce, but sometimes I make myself handle the situation. That’s healthy. There’s even been a study conducted, showing that you burn more calories watching a scary movie then something else. There’s just so many reasons to watch a horror film.

Now if you genuinely sweat, have heart palpitations or go into a panic attack, then no, you shouldn’t watch these types of films. Otherwise, you should, at least every once and awhile make yourself watch a scary movie. People often forget that horror films are not always based on fiction, but based on real life. I look at horror films as not only a thrill, but as an education. At a very early age I learned valuable lessons from horror films, for instance, you don’t go out into the woods at night, alone. Another lesson, don’t leave your doors and windows unlocked. Its lessons like these that remind us that although the movie may be fake, the blood manufactured, some people really do go through those nightmares in real life. Watching a horror film reminds you of how lucky you are. It reminds you not play games with your own life or the life of others.

I’ll never forget this movie I saw a few years ago, “The Strangers”. I didn’t really like the movie overall, at first, but the more I let it sink in the more I appreciated it. It had this great thing where it wouldn’t use a lot of music. I think that’s what made it so realistic because there is no theme music in real life. Would recommend seeing it if you haven’t but the basic plot follows a couple at a cabin and they’re being terrorized by a group of people. At the very end a character asks them what they want, why them? One of the villains replies, “because you were home.” That’s how the film ends. You’re left with the realization that some people do not need a motive to kill you, they do it just because you were in the right place, at the right time. That particular part gave me chills and still gives me chills. It’s a reminder that try as I may, I can’t always prevent bad things from happening. Horror films tend to remind us that life isn’t perfect and not everyone can be trusted. Maybe that’s the real reason people don’t like horror films.

Sorry, just had to vent because it seems like a lot of people use that phrase way too often. Its okay if horror movies aren’t your favorite type of film, but you have to watch one every now again. It’s good to get the blood pumping every once and awhile.

 

Baths are so underrated

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So it’s no secret that my husband and I are about to own a home, an actual home. So I’ve thinking of things I want to do in our apartment while I still can. One of them was try out the bathtub, it had just been recently painted or glossed and I wanted to finally try it out and see if it was in deed big enough to bathe an adult. I had this Wicked Bath Bomb from Fragrant Jewels and decided to use it. It was a bath bomb from Halloween so it was supposed to smell good and change the bath water from clear to jet black. I fill up the tub and get in before releasing the bath bomb. I watched the bomb fizz and disappear completely revealing my costume jewelry ring. Yes, it’s a bath bomb with benefits, from Fragrant Jewels.

When the bomb had disappeared I finally took the time to lean back and see how comfortable I could be. It wasn’t the ideal bathtub because it didn’t let you fully submerge yourself at one time. You kind of have to flip like a pancake to get an even coating of water, but the water was nice and warm. It smelled great from the bath bomb, looked cool and felt great on my muscles. My neck has been bothering me lately so I decided to see if that would help and it definitely did. I really don’t know why adults stop taking baths. When you’re a kid they were great, they were the time your imagination kept you busy.

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As an adult you can utilize a bath to relieve stress and rejuvenate the body. I got out of that bath smelling good and I felt like a big pile of warm ooze. I was so relaxed I could’ve laid down and went to sleep right then and there. It was just so amazing. Now, I wouldn’t take one every day but I would definitely take one 1-2 times a week. It just feels like a great process for your body to experience and why do we feel the need to deny ourselves that as an adult?

The Home Buying Process or Why I’ve Not Been Blogging for Awhile

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Hello everyone! I tend to have these lags of non-posting and I feel really guilty about it. I love to post about random topics and topics that are important to me as well. While I’ve been lagging in regular posts, I have been maintaining posts on my movie review site, that is just for horror films. That is honestly keeping me sane through the home buying process. Yes, my husband and I are finally taking that big step into home ownership. It’s a rite of passage and a great opportunity, but my goodness, the process feels like you’re trying to buy a state.

I love the idea of having my own home where I can create memories with my husband and our future kid. That’s the positive thought I have to hold onto while navigating the crazy world of home buying. Looking at houses is the easy part, making an offer is also an easy part, all of the steps after that can be a little taxing (to put it nicely). There is a request for documents, followed by another request for documents and that can happen another two times. On top of that you have to take a homebuyers education course, mostly if you’re a first time home buyer.

It just seems like they could make the process easier, less taxing. I will say that if it wasn’t for our real estate agent and mortgage professionals it could be a lot more stressful, but because they’ve been patient with us, explaining things as we go, we’ve been able to mentally hang on. We found a house, made an offer and it was accepted. We’ve been through the inspection, repairs, the appraisal, and now we’re awaiting the closing date. This past week we gave notice to our apartment, who of course wants to charge two months’ rent as well as a fee for getting out of our lease. That’s ok, because we’re being set free soon. We no longer have to worry as much about all the tiny things that make apartment living a hassle.

home.jpgI told my husband that a healthy exercise while we wait for the closing date would be the following: What I Will Not Miss about Living in an Apartment. We will be getting that list together and posting it soon, but here’s a preview…..I look forward to now more stairs. We’ve been living on the 3rd floor for over 5 years and I look forward to having no stairs. Granted, it’s kept me in good shape but it’s just not a good long-term solution, especially if we want to have kids in the near future. I also won’t miss dealing with loud, inconsiderate neighbors. You know what I mean, the people who have their arguments outside, stomp up the stairs like they have diving weights on their ankles, and the people who have loud music playing off the balcony till 3 a.m.

I do appreciate the apartment for doing its job though. It gave us a decent place to live for about 5 years and it gave us some pretty good memories. Here’s a helpful tip, if you plan to look and buy your first home, maybe take the homebuyer’s education course first. WE didn’t take that until a few weeks ago and some information in it would’ve been really helpful at the beginning, if we had only known to take it then. Good luck out there if you are looking, it’s a crazy market!