What’s with the Puzzled Expression??

Do you ever take a moment during your day and watch people react to things around them? I love seeing the uninhabited looks of confusion and disgust when something in their world is off kilter. Sometimes I’ll say something around my co-workers just to see their facial expressions, plus I actually agree with what ever I’m saying… I try to think of the best type of face I see on a regular basis…Oh! A good one is where you can tell someone just smelt something awful and they do a silent yawn/gag to themselves but little do they know, you’re there witnessing it all from a safe smell free distance.

I guess my second favorite look is the puzzled expression. It’s the one that someone has when ever they pull on the door that has the obvious push sign, the one where they go to open a door (it’s locked) and they continue to try to open it, as well as the puzzled look that comes over their face when they’re looking for their keys or their phone all the while the item they’re searching for is in their hand all along. It really is such a simple pleasure. You should try it sometime.

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There seems to be a profuse amount of  negativity in the air at this moment. I bet you that there will be some people who immediately jump to politics when I say this, or to the sexual harassment awareness environment or to the racial movement and some may even jump to the police use of force awareness. Sure, you could think of negative things when you think of all of that, but I’m thinking in general. We can’t get 1 week into the new year before someone murders someone or before someone drinks, drives and kills someone. We cannot go one week into the new year without drugs being spread, people overdosing and we cannot go one week into the new year without another lost soul thinking there’s only one way out.

There’s just this profuse amount of hatred, bigotry, lack of consideration that has just spread like the plague and no one seems to notice. If anyone has noticed then no one has taken steps to change the environment. I really don’t know what’s more toxic now a days, the actual environment itself or the environment we create around us. Where is our humbleness and our humanity, our compassion? I know this may be a rant that goes no where but surely I’m not the only one who thinks this? I don’t want this to turn into any one discussion but I want to know if there are others that just get astounded at the way we treat each other lately.  It seems to be getting worse, not better.

We have to stop pointing fingers at others for the wrongs in this world and turn the attention at what we’re doing as well, or more on what we’re not doing. Are we standing up for what we believe in and looking at situations from all sides? Are we evaluating policies and practices that my outdated or offensives. I think we can be progressive without the endless shoving of the same information down the throat. Instead of receiving constantly new information to help me move onward, I get the same regurgitation of the “facts” I’ve already heard. It is truly amazing how profuse the negativity is. Let’s try to be a little nicer to each other, realize that everyone has their own battles. We should be compassionate and open to new things. Thanks for listening to my rant, I’m sure it will not be the last one in my life.

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How Talking about your fears somehow helps alleviate them

Isn’t it funny how some people seem to talk much more than usual when there’s something serious going on? Not everyone does, but I know that I tend to do that. Mine usually flares up in anticipation of something. So if I’m waiting on some medical test results, I’m usually talking up a storm with whoever is in the same room with me. If I’m waiting for medical updates on someone else, like a family member, then asking them questions and talking about their symptoms just seems to work. I know I’m probably driving that person crazy but they may not realize that it’s like a stress reliever for me, to be able to talk freely and educate myself on what’s going on.

I’ve done this recently, as one of my parents started to feel ill in multiple places. Until we could get more answers I would continually ask them how they were feeling, what their symptoms were, just a general quest for a status update really. Doing that basically tempered my anxiety and nerves for a little bit, rather than me going stir crazy. Thankfully it turned out that person is fine overall, just had a couple of things that needed to be fixed/medicated.

It’s funny to say it out loud, but talking to yourself about your own fears helps as well. I have anxiety, I’ve had it the majority of my life, since I was a toddler. It ebbs and flows depending on what’s going on around me, what’s going on in my head. I got to a point where I was letting my anxiety take control and throw me into panic attacks, panicked thinking. It got to the point where I needed to take medication, otherwise I would constantly insist that something was wrong with me and ask to be taken to the doctor. The medication I took helped to relax and be able to reflect on what I was going through, what specifically triggered my anxiety and how I could help ease it over time. After a few months I weaned myself off of the medication to try to handle it myself. I discovered that I could feel a panic attack coming and I knew I had to do something. One time, I saw in the bathroom and talked to myself. I just started talking out loud, pointing out the craziness of what I was thinking. I found that to be my secret weapon.

You see, I feel like with anxiety (mine specifically) you can have these thoughts and emotions come through and you feel like you can’t control them. That is because your brain has convinced the rest of your body, including your heart, that you are dying or that something is wrong. Your brain is making you listen to what it wants you to hear. When you speak out loud, your speaking outside of the brain and I think that’s important. When I speak out loud I tend to hear it much more clearly and I believe myself when I’m talking out loud.

First Mortgage Payment, not as bad once you finally pay it..

I remember that one of the first things that worried me when we were house hunting was the mortgage payment. I knew it was going to be more than our monthly rent at the apartment, but I wanted us to have something more and to actually put our hard-earned money towards something meaningful. When we found our house and the offer was accepted I again had that realization that we’d have that first mortgage payment to worry about. There was so much pressure and tension in my chest from the anxiety. But I managed it, it would ebb and flow every now again, including at the closing.

Once that was over we were taken over by the high of owning our first home. We pulled up carpet, painted walls and really got things together for the big moving day. We got all moved in and unpacking boxes when I realized it again, the first mortgage was coming up! I was so anxious and panicky right until the actual day I went to pay the first mortgage payment. When I was done I didn’t really have that moment of dread that everyone had been talking about. I mean yeah, it kind of hurt financially to make a bigger payment but I wasn’t devastated by it. I felt a relief actually. I felt relief in that finally my money wasn’t going down the drain but to something useful.

I feel like my husband and I are right where we need to be. We can do anything we want with our home and it feels great. Once you get past that initial anxiety it’s all smooth sailing from there. Well, there be some rough waves, but you get the picture.

What’s with the animosity toward horror movies??

I’ve heard it again, the dreaded phrase, “I really don’t like scary movies.” A shudder goes through my body, all the way to the core. I want to sit down with them and ask, “Why not?” I’ve actually done this and the best answer someone can give me is “I’ll have nightmares later” or “I don’t like being scared.” I want to reach out with my hands and tell them that that is the point! You’re supposed to be effected by a movie, especially a scary one. That was the intent of the people who made it. Also, you can’t run away from everything that scares you, it’s just not logical. Spiders freak me out something fierce, but sometimes I make myself handle the situation. That’s healthy. There’s even been a study conducted, showing that you burn more calories watching a scary movie then something else. There’s just so many reasons to watch a horror film.

Now if you genuinely sweat, have heart palpitations or go into a panic attack, then no, you shouldn’t watch these types of films. Otherwise, you should, at least every once and awhile make yourself watch a scary movie. People often forget that horror films are not always based on fiction, but based on real life. I look at horror films as not only a thrill, but as an education. At a very early age I learned valuable lessons from horror films, for instance, you don’t go out into the woods at night, alone. Another lesson, don’t leave your doors and windows unlocked. Its lessons like these that remind us that although the movie may be fake, the blood manufactured, some people really do go through those nightmares in real life. Watching a horror film reminds you of how lucky you are. It reminds you not play games with your own life or the life of others.

I’ll never forget this movie I saw a few years ago, “The Strangers”. I didn’t really like the movie overall, at first, but the more I let it sink in the more I appreciated it. It had this great thing where it wouldn’t use a lot of music. I think that’s what made it so realistic because there is no theme music in real life. Would recommend seeing it if you haven’t but the basic plot follows a couple at a cabin and they’re being terrorized by a group of people. At the very end a character asks them what they want, why them? One of the villains replies, “because you were home.” That’s how the film ends. You’re left with the realization that some people do not need a motive to kill you, they do it just because you were in the right place, at the right time. That particular part gave me chills and still gives me chills. It’s a reminder that try as I may, I can’t always prevent bad things from happening. Horror films tend to remind us that life isn’t perfect and not everyone can be trusted. Maybe that’s the real reason people don’t like horror films.

Sorry, just had to vent because it seems like a lot of people use that phrase way too often. Its okay if horror movies aren’t your favorite type of film, but you have to watch one every now again. It’s good to get the blood pumping every once and awhile.


New House, New Opportunities

It seems like every couple of months there is a lull in my posts, and that kills me every time. But this time, I do have a good reason for the delay.  After 5 plus years in apartments my husband and I finally found our first home. We were shocked to find out that we could afford a home of our own and jumped at the opportunity. Next thing we knew we were caught up in a maze of hidden costs, packing, moving and unpacking.  People always comment about moving into a home, how they hope they never have to do it again. I can kind of see where they’re coming from. Although I’m sure moving from a one story to a one story will be fine, it’s what we did, moving from a 3rd story apartment to a one story house. that made things difficult and more stressful.


It’s been a little over two weeks since we moved into the house and today marked the last day of inhabiting our apartment. We turned in the keys and drove away from the last 5 years, ready for what was to come in the next. It’s really bittersweet to leave those days behind. There were things that we hated about apartment and things that we loved. It’s just that eventually you reach a moment where it’s time to move on. You just have to grit your teeth and push through.

We’ve reached that point and now all we need to worry about is getting the rest of the boxes unpacked and get settled in. It’s still hard to believe we’re finally here but it’s finally settling in, day by day. I think the more we get unpacked and the more of our personality gets imposed on the ways and the rooms, it will feel more like home. It won’t feel like the apartment, it will feel like an actual home. Not liking the paint color? Guess what, I can change that whenever I want and to whatever color I want. I like that aspect of home ownership the most at this point.  It all feels good. it feels good to be settled down to the point where I can catch up to my writing again. I can actually think about things OTHER than fees, moving and packing.  Would love to hear everyone’s take on when they owned a home for the first time. 🙂

It’s good to be back!



The Sound of Static

There’s nothing quite like a vinyl record. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Spotify account but every once in a while I like to play my records. The sound is soothing. It’s an older sound but so pure. The way the music comes out is the way people listened to music for decades. It should never go out of style. Whatever style of music, it sounds better coming off of vinyl. Well, heavy metal and club music may be the only two types of music that wouldn’t sound good on vinyl, but for the most part it is all-encompassing.

I got myself a record player a few years back and started buying records from local shops. I played the heck out of that thing and then all of a sudden, poof, lost the power cord. For the past couple of years I’ve been without the magic of my player. Well I found that you can order replacement power cords from Amazon and just ordered one. I can’t wait to play my records once again. I mean I don’t know much about how I will decorate my house but I do know that a part of my house will house my record player/albums. Oh yes…it will happen..

If you haven’t experienced the sound of a record, try it, at least once. I don’t foresee that you will be disappointed.

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