Luck Run Out??

I’m a very lucky and blessed person. I have people who love me and protect me. I have a roof over my head and food to eat every day. I am blessed. There are things that come along the way, the bumps in the road of life, but they tend to work themselves out in long run. I’ve suffered from anxiety for most of my life and the only thing that has significantly helped ease that would be self-reflection.

I’ve taken the time to breathe, meditate and figure out what drives me to think that a cough or ache could be something more. I can’t tell you how many false alarms I’ve had, how many doctor visits I went to because my head made me think something was wrong and it wasn’t. I realized, after much self-reflection that I am an anxious person and what I’m most anxious about is life. I know there can be only so many good things that happen to you and that in life there will be bad things. I discovered that right at the core of my anxiety was a single question, “Something bad should be coming soon right?”

Basically my subconscious knows that I’ve been blessed with family, a job and good health. And deep down it is wondering when the next bad/negative thing will come. I think my body acts as if it’s anticipating something that hasn’t quite come yet. Now I know that’s no way to live. You can’t live fully while fearing what lies ahead. I know this, but my subconscious, or wherever my anxiety comes from doesn’t realize this. So it’s a constant juggling, a constant battle. I win most of the time, my logic breaks through and takes over. But sometimes there still is that little voice deep down that tells me that it can’t last forever. I just keep pushing it down into the dark pit in belongs in because there is no way to tell the future and there is no sense is worrying about it. Just live it the best you can, that’s what matters.

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I'm a Full-Time Paralegal and getting my B.A.S. in Supervision and Management. I've always loved to write and hope to write at least one book that will be published. That's the overall goal. When I'm not writing, working or studying I like to hang out with my husband and our three furry kids.

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