A Thought On Grief

I was thinking about grief and loss today, as this was our first Father’s Day without a patriarch in our family, my grandfather (picture below) I’ve experienced grief both as a child/teen, most recently as an adult. Two very different experiences… Let me tell you….

I lost my grandmother( my mom’s mom) when I was 13. She was like a second mother and although I was very sad, I also didn’t know all the details, felt left out and became an incredibly angry child. I was angry at her for leaving us, when she promised to be there for me always. I was especially angry at God and questioned my faith. I was selfish and didn’t realize until I was older that I should have been there for my mom who lost her mother too soon.. But you can’t go back.

My Grandfather (my dad’s dad) was a different situation. I lost him right after I turned 25. This time my grief was different, I had spent more time with this family member. I’ve had waves of sadness hit me sometimes when I expect it and sometimes when I least expect it. I always thought I related more to my grandmother, then after my grandfather passed I realized that I was more like him then I ever knew. I realized how amazing he was and a truely good human being he was. I also found more of my family history. After he passed I found out that he had all of these family films and old photos of generations before me and I fully immersed myself in them. I read letters and saw pictures of amazing people and I could see bits of me in them. I found who I was in people that I couldn’t even talk to anymore. I made it a mission to preserve what family history I had and bought a scanner to scan everything in. That was my obsession for about 2-3 months.

Moving on is just not possible when grieving a loss of someone so close, that’s why it’s so hard to hear when someone says it’s time to move on. The best we can do is live our new lives, without this person that meant to do much. That’s still hard to do. While I’m in pain I more than realize my dad must be in unimaginable pain, he and his dad were twins, best friends completely! I’ve watched over him and hope he now has the chance to fully grieve his loss. Long story short right after my grandfathers passing my grandmother went into the hospital for a leg infection that quite possibly could have killed her if she hadn’t gone to the hospital. So there was my father trying to grieve, having to postpone his father’s funeral, to make sure his mother got better. Then of course he had all of this estate probate stuff to take care of, which by the way if you haven’t created a well please do one as soon as possible for the sake of your loved ones. My dad has been running nonstop since October and I worry about his health. I love him dearly and for Father’s Day I put together some Pinterest quotes that helped me throught my grieving and placed them in a book/binder, I hope it helps his process. If you have loved ones near, really strive to spend as much time with them as possible!  EditEdit

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creativeboho

I'm a Full-Time Paralegal and getting my B.A.S. in Supervision and Management. I've always loved to write and hope to write at least one book that will be published. That's the overall goal. When I'm not writing, working or studying I like to hang out with my husband and our three furry kids.

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